We Can Do The Impossibly Hard Thing

Change is scary. Transitions are hard. Jumping into something new is terrifying. Familiarity is comfortable. Sticking with the status quo feels safer.

But familiarity doesn’t mean that it’s in our best interest. Familiarity can keep us in a job or relationship that is draining us of our life force.

Fear of doing the hard thing can keep us stuck. Can keep us spinning our wheels. Can keep us from reaching for things that we desperately want and need. Can keep us resentful. Can keep us unable to make moves until everything is “perfect”. Can leave us feeling exhausted and immobilized. Can leave us spiraling in shame. Shame because we feel like there is something wrong with us for not being able to make the change or do the thing that we know that we need to do.

What is shame?

Shame tells us, “I’m bad”. It’s different than guilt, which tells us, “I did something bad”. It’s more intense. It’s deeply rooted and can be all-encompassing. It shows up often. In our parenting, with our partner, in our work. It can tell us that we aren’t good enough and that there is something categorically wrong with us for just existing.

It shows up when we lose it with our kids. It shows up when we make a mistake at work. It shows up when we have a miscommunication with our partner.

And it often is something that we keep to ourselves. Like a little secret that feels too vulnerable to share with anyone else, for fear of their judgment or critical thoughts. That’s where shame lives: in the shadows.

What is the remedy for shame?

Vulnerability. It forces us out of the shadows and into the light. Into the light where we can learn to be more gentle with ourselves and learn to accept ourselves for who we are. Where we can free ourselves from the shackles of being immobilized by shame.

In therapy, we can learn to trust ourselves and accept that what our bodies are telling us is important. We can learn to honor what we need without shame.

Be gentle with yourself.

Avery